Starring: Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Larry Thomas
Writers: Uwe Boll/Bryan C. Knight
Director: Uwe Boll
Well Movie Mobsters readers, it was fun having your respect while it lasted, because I know I’m going to lose it with what I’m about to say: Postal, one of the many video game adaptations by the infamous German director Uwe Boll, is freaking awesome. Okay maybe awesome is too strong of a word, so let me rephrase: Postal is both one of the worst movies I have ever seen and one of the funniest, craziest movies I have ever seen.
Postal takes place in the fictional town of Paradise, which seems to be the home of the lowest, most sinister people on the entire planet (examples: a shootout breaks out in a Welfare office and no one cares, a cop uses a brain dead man to collect money, etc.). Dude (Zack Ward) is one member of the population, who is having the worst day of his life. After blowing an interview and catching his wife cheating on him, he decides to give up living the straight life and go back into the crime business with his uncle Dave (Dave Foley), who’s latest con has him as the head of a cult full of big breasted women who are there to “please” his every wish. Dude and Dave plan to steal a shipment of Krotchy dolls, the most popular toy in America which are in short supply after a plane carrying the rest went down. The dolls are being unleashed that day at the amusement park “Lil’ Germany” which is owned by, erm, Uwe Boll (playing himself). Dude, Dave, Dave’s second in command Richard (Chris Coppola), and the sexiest members of the cult go to break in, steal the Krotchy dolls, and then sell them and get rich.
Unfortunately, the plan gets complicated as Osama Bin Laden (Larry Thomas) and his band of merry men are also in Paradise for the Krotchy dolls for a different, more nefarious, purpose, and everything in Paradise goes to hell in a handbasket. Oh, and Verne Troyer (also playing himself) also ends up getting caught in the fracas and ends up apart of Dude and Dave’s little group (he was at Lil’ Germany promoting the dolls, which bear his voice), and all sorts of chaos (and bad taste) ensues.
For most of you, you probably want to throw up right now or at the very least punch me in the face for even bringing this movie up on a website that for the most part has good taste (apologies to Heather and Jim!), and I get that I really do. Postal is by no means a good movie: it’s filled with plotholes, horrible acting (especially Chris Coppola, who needs to never act again thank you), and when the jokes fail, they fail HUGE. It also seems to be offensive for the sake of being offensive and some people may hate some of the things they riff on (especially the bevy of 9/11 jokes).
But, you see, I have an odd taste in movies and as a man who has digested many a Troma film, I was ready to tackle something like this, and while Postal no doubt had its problems, I liked it and found it hilarious. It’s a chaotic mess of a movie that somehow finds a way to actually be entertaining, and I blame/commend the efforts of both Zack Ward and Dave Foley for this. Ward is an underrated actor who never seems to get a break (COME ON HOLLYWOOD, HE WAS FARKUS!), and here, he actually does a pretty good job. He’s able to carry the movie as a lead, and has really good comedic chops (which, if you watched Titus, should come as no surprise). Dave Foley seems to be having the time of his life through out this thing, like he just smoked a lot of pot, shrugged, went “screw it”, and proceeded to improv his way through the film. His character is definitely the funniest out of everyone, and he gets some of the best lines in Postal (none of which I think I can repeat). Without these two committing to the ludicrous nature of this movie, it would have fallen as flat as…any other Uwe Boll film, but it works here.
Uwe Boll also shows up to mock himself, sticking a middle finger up to the people who do nothing but hate on his work. His sequence in Lil’ Germany is quick, but hilarious and they even got the creator of the Postal games to cameo and attack him for making bad movies. Boll has a sense of humor about what he does, but not in the way where he “knows” it’s bad; it’s more of a “F you I’ll do what I want” kind of humor where he spits in your face and headbutts your dreams. He lives up to being an a-hole…but he does it with hutzpah and I commend him for that.
The humor in Postal is a mix of slapstick, gross out, and offensive, with a twinge of political satire for good measure (meaning a cameo by a Bush imitator and some Taliban-related nonsense). There are a lot of 9/11 jokes (the opening scene especially), as well as some Nazi jokes thrown in for good measure. The violence is over the top, and is treated with complete disregard, which may turn some viewers off. Sex jokes abound, as Uncle Dave’s followers are just slutty women and in one scene, they come back from seducing guards with some, erm, fluids on their face (as well as some of that brown goodness). As you can probably tell, the humor can be very hit or miss. I laughed at the absurdness of it all, but some the jokes ended up lame or were not delivered properly and it took me out of Postal every now and then (yeah yeah, I know I should have been taken out right away, blah blah blah).
What I especially liked is that it actually stuck true with the source material. For the five of you who have ever played the Postal games, they are exactly like this movie is: offensive, bloody, over the top, and just straight insane. The movie perfectly captures the essence of the Postal games and I commend Uwe Boll for actually sticking to it.
Postal is Uwe Boll’s best movie hands down, proving he should stick to comedy/satire instead of the dreck he usually dolls out. It’s an offensively funny, ridiculously entertaining and at the same time, a complete trainwreck. If you are a Troma fan, you’ll probably find more to like about it than others will, but for a large amount of movie fans out there, this is going to be poison to your eyes and ears. As I said at the beginning: Postal is both one of the best movies I have ever seen and one of the worst.