Raise your hand if your laptop crapped out and you had to pay 650 to get a new one? Oh wait, ME. Sigh. Regardless, here I am, back in time to get an “Opening This Weekend” up for you before the Thursday’s through so all of you who were getting ready to tie that noose around your neck…you don’t have to end it all. I am here for you. Let’s stop wasting time and get into the nitty gritty, mmmkay?
Synopsis: Mark Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) invents Facebook and gets sued by people who also claimed to have made Facebook. I know, you’re boned up already.
Thoughts: Although I don’t really hate his acting or anything, but I really need to say this: Jesse Eisenberg has a stupid face. That being said, The Social Network has been getting tons of great press from both the print critics and their superior internet counterparts (suck it Armond White!) so there’s got to be something there. Or everyone doesn’t want to look like an asshole for hating on Aaron Sorkin or David Fincher. Either way, I’m pretty pumped to check it out, but I hardly think it’ll “define my generation” like certain critics are declaring.
Synopsis: A bullied kid makes a friend out of a new girl who happens to be a vampire. It also happens to be a remake of a Swedish movie that was released not too long ago, but subtitles are for wusses anyway so this needed an American version.
Thoughts: I have heard nothing but amazing things for Let the Right One In, the 2007 Swedish film that inspired this Matt Reeves-directed remake, but that hasn’t stopped me from completely ignoring it. And although most film nerds will probably want to crucify me because I’m choosing this one over their beloved foreign version, I don’t give a damn; Let Me In looks pretty goddamned amazing. It’s got the two best child actors in the business (Chloe “Hit Girl” Moretz and Kodi “the kid from The Road” Smit-McPhee) and is directed by the guy who did Cloverfield. And even though the vampire trend is wearing thin, this has a unique take. I expect good things from this and can’t wait to never compare it to the original.
Synopsis: A little girl is being attacked by demons or ghosts or something.
Thoughts: Case 39 has been shelved for two years, and although it’s coming out now, its two stars (Zellwegger and Bradley Cooper) are not doing any press for it. I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t scream like a “winning” film to me. Plus, it looks like any other run of the mill horror movie, so who cares? Seriously, WHO? PUT YOUR HAND DOWN!
Opening in Limited
Synopsis: A bunch of famous documentary directors (like Morgan Spurlock and other people the mainstream audience don’t know by name) each lend their hand to adapting the book, which is about incentive-based thinking.
Thoughts: Okay, I’ve failed you this week and I’m sorry because these limited releases are all something I have not seen anything about and in turn, my thoughts are going to be limited (some would say that’s a good thing). For Freakonomics, I haven’t read the book and the “incentive-based thinking” idea is not something I want to watch or have any interest in. If you like docs though, this is like a super-team (they would’ve brought Michael Moore in, but the catering budget had no wiggle room *badumchingcheapfatjoke*).
Synopsis: Ugh, if I’m going to do this, I need to actually research it. Take it away IMDB: “After narrowly avoiding death by Victor Crowley’s axe, the resilient Marybeth (Harris) returns to the Louisiana bayou to exact her revenge and claim the bodies of those who died on her first visit.”
Thoughts: Back when I lived in Massachusetts, a local chain called Newbury Comics would relentlessly pimp the hell out of Hatchet, since it was shot locally and featured a main character wearing a Newbury Comics logo t-shirt. With all that relentless hype slapping me in the face when I was trying to buy overpriced Red Dwarf DVD’s (seriously BBC, what the F?), it put a bad taste in my mouth. From what I hear from my slasher friends though, it’s actually competent and apparently more people agree since it’s getting a sequel. I guess expect blood and guts? That sounds right.
Synopsis: A group of teenagers get chain letters and if they break it, they get killed off. Apparently the internet doesn’t exist in this world.
Thoughts: Oh my god I don’t care.
It’s not a horrible weekend. The Social Network is supposedly the greatest movie ever, and Let Me In looks like the perfect movie to get people into the Halloween season. Otherwise…eh it’s all taste (but seriously don’t watch Chain Letter). What are you excited for?