Review: Piranha 3D (2010)

Posted By On 21 Aug 2010. Under 2 Stars (Mediocre), 2010, Action, Horror, Reviews, Science Fiction  Tags: , , , , , , ,   

Rated R for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, graphic nudity, sexual content, language and some drug use.

Starring: Steven R. McQueen, Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Adam Scott, Jessica Szohr

Written by: Peter Goldfinger/Josh Stolberg

Directed by: Alexandre Aja

Runtime: 89 minutes

As 3D is pushed by a desperate Hollywood as the “future of movies” (and higher profits of course), it’s nice to know that some filmmakers and studios aren’t quite taking it as seriously. For every Avatar, there is a My Bloody Valentine waiting in the wings, and I applaud that because it brings it back to what 3D essentially is: a gimmick. Alexandre Aja, the director of the actually pretty good Hills Have Eyes remake a few years back, knows what movie he is trying to make: a schlocky B-movie that hearkens back to the days of all gore, no substance. By that token, he succeeds: there is no substance to be found in Piranha 3D but there is a lot of gore, some good nudity, and a whole lot of 3D. And while it’s technically “dumb fun”, you can tell it tries way too hard and all the negatives are so in your face that you can’t help but notice them. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Can I in good conscience tell you to go to the theater and spend 15 bucks to see it in 3D? Oh my god no.

Considering Piranha 3D isn’t really concerned about its plot, it feels kind of dumb to give you a brief synopsis, but whatever we’re already here. It’s Spring Break time and for the small town of Lake Victoria, Arizona, that means a whole bunch of rowdy teens and a whole bunch of revenue. Sheriff Julie Forester (Elizabeth Shue) has her hands full with the sudden convergence of 20,000 people to her tiny town, and because of this has to put her young son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) in charge of his younger brother and sister, missing out on the fun. Jake will have no part of that though, and ends up becoming the location scout for Wild Wild Girls, a video series highlighting Spring Break debauchery and the brainchild of frat-man Derrick Jones (Jerry O’ Connell). You can guess who that is a parody/homage of.

Unfortunately for the inhabitants and rowdy college kids in Lake Victoria, things are about to get a little hairy. An earthquake has opened a rift below the lake, and it has released a whole wave prehistoric (who knew CGI existed in the B.C.?) piranhas ready to feed on the unsuspecting humans. For them, it’s dinner time at the Golden Corral; for the humans…not so much. Julie teams up with scientist Novak (Adam Scott) to help stop the threat and get everyone out of the water before it’s too late, but if that was successful, what kind of boring movie would this be?

Everyone involved in Piranha 3D has been touting its campiness and lameness and how it’s supposed to be a B-movie. In essence, everyone involved knows it pretty much sucks and instead of fighting against it, they chew the scenery and embrace it. Top of the heap belongs to O’ Connell, who goes so nutty as Derrick Jones that you’d think his agent threatened to drop him if this movie wasn’t successful. Thanks to his ridiculousness, he is the funniest and best part of the whole movie. Second to him is Christopher Lloyd, who only has a cameo as an old fish expert, but delivers his lines in the Doc Brown style that endeared him to audiences in the first place. Everyone else hams it up, and it looks like at the very least, it was fun to film.

Gore and nudity are here in spades, and for a movie that doesn’t rely on plot or coherence or anything of any substance, Piranha 3D relies on it pretty heavily. Thanks to the added third dimension (which is clunky from time to time, especially the opening credits), you get blood and body parts flying at you, as well as naked ladies swimming around. Don’t bring your grandmother to this, is what I’m getting at. Save for the horribly done CGI piranha, the effects are very simple and since they aren’t drawn in by computers, look both realistic and Tom Savini-style ridiculous. The kills themselves are entertaining, especially during the best 8 minutes of the film when the piranhas attack the Spring Break people (not a spoiler, unless you’re dense enough to think that wouldn’t happen). That whole scene is worth a watch once it’s on DVD.

As mentioned before, everything else is pretty blah. When not over the top, the acting just plain sucks. They try to stick in a romance sub-plot with Jake and a girl named Kelly (Jessica Szohr), but they don’t flesh anything out whatsoever and it takes stupid turns for the sake of resolution. A particular character disappears for no absolute reason, and is never mentioned again, despite being important for the previous batch of scenes. The characters have no real redeeming qualities, and are cardboard cutouts there just to take up time in between piranha kills. Simply put, take out the boobs and the gore, and you’re left with a shell of a movie that doesn’t even bother trying to make sense or seem like any thought was put behind it.

As a whole, I enjoyed Piranha 3D. It was stupid, sure, but it had enough over the top moments to keep me entertained between the lulls. There was some good gore, some nice nudity (I’m a guy, what do you want from me?), and some excellently bad performances by O’Connell and Lloyd (who apparently was dug up from the rock he was living under to do this). Still, I can’t say it’s worth paying the full 3D ticket price. Sure, it’s dumb fun, but it’s only 89 minutes (being generous) and that’s not a good bang for your almost 20 bucks, especially if you bring someone with you (hopefully not your grandmother). For horror/gore fans who are obsessed with throwbacks even though they stopped making these kinds of movies for a reason, check it out…when it’s on DVD and comes with the cardboard glasses. Everyone else, it’s not worth a watch, unless you really don’t care about spending money.

62 Responses to “Review: Piranha 3D (2010)”

  1. Marc says:
    August 21, 2010 at 8:22 am

    Spot on Jon and I think we’re pretty much in agreement (after reading your opening statement I thought I was reading my own review actually). Shocking gore and nudity, this movie doesn’t try to hide what it is – a throwback to the B-Movies we all can’t help but enjoy as a guilty pleasure. But you’re right about the upcharge on the 3D glasses, pretty much a ripoff!!
    To me this is how I view something like G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra; not a good movie but fun as hell and the eye candy makes up for the lack of plot:)
    Marc recently posted..G-S-T Review…Pirahna 3D

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  2. The Film Reel says:
    August 21, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    I’ll be checking this one out, I just don’t know when exactly. I’m still burned out a bit from the TAD festival. It just looks like cheesy good fun and anything that is a throwback to bad B-movies is a movie for me!
    The Film Reel recently posted..Toronto After Dark 2010 – The Final Friday!

    Reply
  3. Kai B. Parker says:
    August 22, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    I really ashamed I’m not seeing this this weekend… especially when you say things like BOOBS IN 3D! WTF? Done and done!
    Kai B. Parker recently posted..IS IT JUST ME

    Reply
  4. Darren says:
    August 23, 2010 at 1:55 am

    Yep, it looks dodgy – like the kinda movie you should watching direct-to-video or even direct-to-sci-fi.
    Darren recently posted..Wet Blogathon- I Wish It Would Rain Down…

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  5. Encore Entertainment says:
    August 23, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Seriously…can’t Elizabeth Shue get a good role again?
    Encore Entertainment recently posted..Loved Getting Wet Just Now- Blogathon

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  6. Kai B. Parker says:
    August 23, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    I feel like you guys are missing the point. This seems like a film that knows it looks like a straight to DVD and is playing off of that. I heard Richard Dreyfuss is fishing and drinking Amity Beer in the beginning of the film… COME ON! AWESOME!!!
    Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS

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    • Jonathan Sullivan says:
      August 23, 2010 at 6:36 pm

      If it had been cheap 3D to go with the cheap filmmaking, I think it would’ve worked better for me. I feel like I needed cardboard red/blue glasses to really enjoy it the way I wanted to. Crossing my fingers for the DVD release to have them.

      Reply
  7. Peter E. says:
    August 23, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    so funny reading all the hetero comments here. BOOBS IN 3D!!! Awesome. I was just thinking it, but you guys had the 3D balls to say it. Good review….pretty much what is expected from this. Will check it out just for some laughs, and yes….3D boobs.

    Reply
  8. Jonathan Sullivan says:
    August 23, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    If you want some real over the top gore and ridiculousness, Troma’s got a whole catalog full of crazy stuff that make Piranha 3D look tame. Anyone else a Troma fan, or feel weird because they didn’t find the gore and violence nearly as ridiculous as others did?

    Reply
  9. Jamie says:
    May 25, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    This movie was shite. Pure and simple. No redeeming quaslites just a bunch of Jaws cliches and tits and ass. Then again it’s made by the Weinsteins, so I should’ve expected an unoriginal pile of piss from the makers of the overrated Scream movies. I’m glad I didn’t pay to watch it. Keep wasting your money watching shit, idiots and they’ll continue to laugh at you and remake more classic films.

    Reply
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