Rated R for sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore, graphic nudity, sexual content, language and some drug use.
Starring: Steven R. McQueen, Elizabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Adam Scott, Jessica Szohr
Written by: Peter Goldfinger/Josh Stolberg
Directed by: Alexandre Aja
Runtime: 89 minutes
As 3D is pushed by a desperate Hollywood as the “future of movies” (and higher profits of course), it’s nice to know that some filmmakers and studios aren’t quite taking it as seriously. For every Avatar, there is a My Bloody Valentine waiting in the wings, and I applaud that because it brings it back to what 3D essentially is: a gimmick. Alexandre Aja, the director of the actually pretty good Hills Have Eyes remake a few years back, knows what movie he is trying to make: a schlocky B-movie that hearkens back to the days of all gore, no substance. By that token, he succeeds: there is no substance to be found in Piranha 3D but there is a lot of gore, some good nudity, and a whole lot of 3D. And while it’s technically “dumb fun”, you can tell it tries way too hard and all the negatives are so in your face that you can’t help but notice them. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Can I in good conscience tell you to go to the theater and spend 15 bucks to see it in 3D? Oh my god no.
Considering Piranha 3D isn’t really concerned about its plot, it feels kind of dumb to give you a brief synopsis, but whatever we’re already here. It’s Spring Break time and for the small town of Lake Victoria, Arizona, that means a whole bunch of rowdy teens and a whole bunch of revenue. Sheriff Julie Forester (Elizabeth Shue) has her hands full with the sudden convergence of 20,000 people to her tiny town, and because of this has to put her young son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) in charge of his younger brother and sister, missing out on the fun. Jake will have no part of that though, and ends up becoming the location scout for Wild Wild Girls, a video series highlighting Spring Break debauchery and the brainchild of frat-man Derrick Jones (Jerry O’ Connell). You can guess who that is a parody/homage of.
Unfortunately for the inhabitants and rowdy college kids in Lake Victoria, things are about to get a little hairy. An earthquake has opened a rift below the lake, and it has released a whole wave prehistoric (who knew CGI existed in the B.C.?) piranhas ready to feed on the unsuspecting humans. For them, it’s dinner time at the Golden Corral; for the humans…not so much. Julie teams up with scientist Novak (Adam Scott) to help stop the threat and get everyone out of the water before it’s too late, but if that was successful, what kind of boring movie would this be?
Everyone involved in Piranha 3D has been touting its campiness and lameness and how it’s supposed to be a B-movie. In essence, everyone involved knows it pretty much sucks and instead of fighting against it, they chew the scenery and embrace it. Top of the heap belongs to O’ Connell, who goes so nutty as Derrick Jones that you’d think his agent threatened to drop him if this movie wasn’t successful. Thanks to his ridiculousness, he is the funniest and best part of the whole movie. Second to him is Christopher Lloyd, who only has a cameo as an old fish expert, but delivers his lines in the Doc Brown style that endeared him to audiences in the first place. Everyone else hams it up, and it looks like at the very least, it was fun to film.
Gore and nudity are here in spades, and for a movie that doesn’t rely on plot or coherence or anything of any substance, Piranha 3D relies on it pretty heavily. Thanks to the added third dimension (which is clunky from time to time, especially the opening credits), you get blood and body parts flying at you, as well as naked ladies swimming around. Don’t bring your grandmother to this, is what I’m getting at. Save for the horribly done CGI piranha, the effects are very simple and since they aren’t drawn in by computers, look both realistic and Tom Savini-style ridiculous. The kills themselves are entertaining, especially during the best 8 minutes of the film when the piranhas attack the Spring Break people (not a spoiler, unless you’re dense enough to think that wouldn’t happen). That whole scene is worth a watch once it’s on DVD.
As mentioned before, everything else is pretty blah. When not over the top, the acting just plain sucks. They try to stick in a romance sub-plot with Jake and a girl named Kelly (Jessica Szohr), but they don’t flesh anything out whatsoever and it takes stupid turns for the sake of resolution. A particular character disappears for no absolute reason, and is never mentioned again, despite being important for the previous batch of scenes. The characters have no real redeeming qualities, and are cardboard cutouts there just to take up time in between piranha kills. Simply put, take out the boobs and the gore, and you’re left with a shell of a movie that doesn’t even bother trying to make sense or seem like any thought was put behind it.
As a whole, I enjoyed Piranha 3D. It was stupid, sure, but it had enough over the top moments to keep me entertained between the lulls. There was some good gore, some nice nudity (I’m a guy, what do you want from me?), and some excellently bad performances by O’Connell and Lloyd (who apparently was dug up from the rock he was living under to do this). Still, I can’t say it’s worth paying the full 3D ticket price. Sure, it’s dumb fun, but it’s only 89 minutes (being generous) and that’s not a good bang for your almost 20 bucks, especially if you bring someone with you (hopefully not your grandmother). For horror/gore fans who are obsessed with throwbacks even though they stopped making these kinds of movies for a reason, check it out…when it’s on DVD and comes with the cardboard glasses. Everyone else, it’s not worth a watch, unless you really don’t care about spending money.
Spot on Jon and I think we’re pretty much in agreement (after reading your opening statement I thought I was reading my own review actually). Shocking gore and nudity, this movie doesn’t try to hide what it is – a throwback to the B-Movies we all can’t help but enjoy as a guilty pleasure. But you’re right about the upcharge on the 3D glasses, pretty much a ripoff!!
To me this is how I view something like G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra; not a good movie but fun as hell and the eye candy makes up for the lack of plot:)
Marc recently posted..G-S-T Review…Pirahna 3D
I dunno, I love how some movies are trying to do the B-movie throwback, but those movies were lame on a whole other level. They weren’t trying to be, they just were. Stuff like Piranha 3D tries too hard, and it shows.
Plus, I just can’t reconcile spending a ridiculous amount of money to watch something that was made to suck. It’s not the old days where 3D was in the film; this is a more expensive medium.
I feel a Mob Thoughts coming on in the future…
Jonathan Sullivan recently posted..Review- Piranha 3D 2010
Watch Free This Movie
http://www.onlinemovieworld.co.cc/2010/08/piranha-2010-hollywood-movie-watch.html
This is One Of The Great Movie Site In This World…
Spam SPAM!!!! Do quick something, somebody!!!!!
FRC Ruben recently posted..Go Tigers!
I was considering deleting it but he did say we were the greatest movie site in the world. How can I argue that?
I wish my spammers were this nice! HAHA!
Mine too. My spammers hate me. They actually said that.
Encore Entertainment recently posted..Movie Meme- Day 30- Saddest Death Scene
Mine type like Europeans visiting America who know little English. Like:
Greats Movies. I Likes sites much very. Christian Bale good actor is. I like him in de Batmans.
Kai B. Parker recently posted..FILMS YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO SEE 5
I sometimes leave there comments up but use the edit facility to disable or remove their links
Andy recently posted..The Secret in Their Eyes
I’ll be checking this one out, I just don’t know when exactly. I’m still burned out a bit from the TAD festival. It just looks like cheesy good fun and anything that is a throwback to bad B-movies is a movie for me!
The Film Reel recently posted..Toronto After Dark 2010 – The Final Friday!
A friend said the main reason to see this is boobs in 3D. I am also burned out on this film medium!
Just got back from it and really enjoyed myself. Not to be taken seriously at all. The flick is strictly for full frontal nudity and blood, lots of both actually!
The Film Reel recently posted..Toronto After Dark 2010 – The Final Friday!
Glad you enjoyed it.
Jonathan Sullivan recently posted..Review- Piranha 3D 2010
I think I’ll actually see this for Jerry Oconnel.
You can claim Jerry O’Connell but I’m still willing to be it’s the 3D Ta-ta’s.
Heather recently posted..Trailer Zone – ‘Case 39′- ‘Vanishing on 7th Street’ and ‘My Soul To Take’
I’m married and my wife and I have a healthy sexual relationship…..I get boobs in 4D on a regular basis.
FRC Ruben recently posted..Quote of the Day The Story of Lo Pan Edition
I’m married too… which means we rarely have sex… what are you, Newlyweds??? haha
Kai B. Parker recently posted..PODCAST WHORE
I can’t forgive O’Connell for the loathsome Kangaroo Jack, though I liked him on Crossing Jordan.
Encore Entertainment recently posted..Movie Meme- Day 30- Saddest Death Scene
You should give O’Connel a lifetime pass for Stand By Me and My Secret Identity… and for stealing John Stamos’ wife!!!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..FILMS YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO SEE 5
I have serious questios about Becky Romaine’s ability to choose quality men.
FRC Ruben recently posted..Post 300
Film Reel: You say that like it’s a bad thing!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
All those points are good points in my book! HAHA! I had a blast watching the movie.
The Film Reel recently posted..TAD 2010 – The Human Centipede – Film Reel Reviews
If you’re paying 15 bucks to see boobs in 3D, you’re not a day over 16.
Jonathan Sullivan recently posted..Review- Piranha 3D 2010
Exactly the primary demographic for this film.
I’m 32, does that make me the exception that proves the rule or are you just wrong?
Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
I’ll go with wrong-ception, because I like to mix em up.
I want 3D boobs too and I’m a chick, how far of an exception am I?
Heather recently posted..Trailer Zone – ‘Case 39′- ‘Vanishing on 7th Street’ and ‘My Soul To Take’
The boobs were good I’m not gonna lie. I do prefer natural lol. Christopher Lloyd was a nice addition even if he was playing a version of Doc Brown! All in all, this was much better than I expected.
That’s it. I’m going to see it. I want to see Boobs and gore in 3D.
My wife’s got fake… you takin a shot at my wife, Napier???!!!!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
Oh my god no, never sir. I guess I am more of an ass man lol!
PS. They’re fantastic!!! haha
Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
I am certain they are!
Dude, you not only managed to brag about the awesomeness of your wifes ta-ta’s, but you also threw in a Seinfeld quote. You are officially the man.
Heather: That’s how I roll. You know this…man.
Jim: I’m actually a butt guy too but they quite a compliment to the other.
Kai B. Parker recently posted..PODCAST WHORE
good call, Jon
FRC Ruben recently posted..Quote of the Day Between Kearney & Stockton Edition
I really ashamed I’m not seeing this this weekend… especially when you say things like BOOBS IN 3D! WTF? Done and done!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..IS IT JUST ME
Yep, it looks dodgy – like the kinda movie you should watching direct-to-video or even direct-to-sci-fi.
Darren recently posted..Wet Blogathon- I Wish It Would Rain Down…
Very true, when I first saw the trailer I thought it was a SyFy Channel movie.
I thought it smacked of Snakes on a Plane.
FRC Ruben recently posted..Quote of the Day Brash Jack Burton Edition
Believe or not, it has an 81% rating on Rotten Tomatoes!
Castor recently posted..
probably because it doesn’t pretend to be anything more than good, campy fun. not very surprised. Was expecting a 65ish though…
Seriously…can’t Elizabeth Shue get a good role again?
Encore Entertainment recently posted..Loved Getting Wet Just Now- Blogathon
I was thinking the same thing. After Cocktail & Adventures in Babysitting nothing good that I can think of.
LEAVING LAS VEGAS DUDE!
yes leaving las Vegas…exactly. The gal has talent! Someone needs to see that other than Mike Figgis!
She was the heart of that film despite what the Academy thought.
Fitz recently posted..
She was INCREDIBLE in that.
She was pretty funny in Hamlet 2 as well. I was also a sucker for her in The Saint with Val Kilmer. I love the remake. I can’t help myself.
Heather recently posted..Trailer Zone – ‘Case 39′- ‘Vanishing on 7th Street’ and ‘My Soul To Take’
The Saint is awesome! We may need to tag team that sometime Heather.
Also, Hamlet was awesome cuz she was herself!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
I’m down!
was thinking hamlet 2 also, Heather. She was funny in that and had a great sense of humor about her reputation. Wanna see more of her in quality movies!
Yeah, Leaving Las Vegas was what 14 years ago? She wiped the floor with Cage in that.
Encore Entertainment recently posted..Movie Meme- Day 30- Saddest Death Scene
I feel like you guys are missing the point. This seems like a film that knows it looks like a straight to DVD and is playing off of that. I heard Richard Dreyfuss is fishing and drinking Amity Beer in the beginning of the film… COME ON! AWESOME!!!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
If it had been cheap 3D to go with the cheap filmmaking, I think it would’ve worked better for me. I feel like I needed cardboard red/blue glasses to really enjoy it the way I wanted to. Crossing my fingers for the DVD release to have them.
so funny reading all the hetero comments here. BOOBS IN 3D!!! Awesome. I was just thinking it, but you guys had the 3D balls to say it. Good review….pretty much what is expected from this. Will check it out just for some laughs, and yes….3D boobs.
3D BALLS!!!
Now you’re talkin’!!!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..SCENES THAT KICK ASS 8- STEP UP 2 THE STREETS
Just to be clear – I would much rather see 3C boobs than 3D balls. I don’t need the latter in any way shape or form on the silver screen.
You mean 38C boobs….right?
FRC Ruben recently posted..Today This is Me Fahkin borin!
Just to be clear – I’m ready for 3D balls! I’d even volunteer my own… they are quite captivating!
Kai B. Parker recently posted..PODCAST WHORE
If you want some real over the top gore and ridiculousness, Troma’s got a whole catalog full of crazy stuff that make Piranha 3D look tame. Anyone else a Troma fan, or feel weird because they didn’t find the gore and violence nearly as ridiculous as others did?
Film Reel just showed me the trailed to Father’s Day — probably not quite the same as what Piranha offers
FRC Ruben recently posted..500 Days of Summer On Goddesses and Weenies
This movie was shite. Pure and simple. No redeeming quaslites just a bunch of Jaws cliches and tits and ass. Then again it’s made by the Weinsteins, so I should’ve expected an unoriginal pile of piss from the makers of the overrated Scream movies. I’m glad I didn’t pay to watch it. Keep wasting your money watching shit, idiots and they’ll continue to laugh at you and remake more classic films.