Directed By: Fred Olen Ray
Written By: Mark Sanderson
Staring: Luke Perry, Krista Allen, Tom Berenger, Louis Mandylor, Anthony Tyler Quinn, John L. Curtis, David Andriole, and Robert Catrini
I’ve had it with these mutha f**ken snakes on this mutha f**ken submarine!
Seriously? I have to acknowledge what a good question that really is. Realizing it will go unanswered I resolve myself to it’s mystery. This SyFy Weekly starred the not so mysterious whispering talents of Luke Perry, that admittedly over the years has grown on me. Not with his brilliant acting skills or ability to keep that receding hairline exactly where Dylan on 90210 left it, but because unlike his notorious soap opera character he is both funny and charming.
Deep in the jungle of a remote island in the Pacific lives a new breed of mutant snake. The military evacuates them because of tensions with the government and the only way home is on an old decommissioned submarine. The doctor in charged was ordered to bring some of the experimental snakes back to the mainland – but to her shock and the military on board, her subsidiary has smuggled some of the deadlier mutated snakes on board, including a giant diamondback. What’s more is the Chinese government get wind of their presence and wants to attack.
All the references and pictures with this film is called “Silent Venom” SyFy must have changed the title to Sea Snakes at the last minute. Clearly not the most prideful film ever done on the SyFy channel, there were issues with this silly movie, which truly in it’s essence was an even campier version of Snakes On A Plane. Not as funny, not as exciting, and not as well acted Sea Snakes still entertained. As badly written and conceived it was, it had me in utter hysterics. Just look at the stills I have added with this review. I think they clearly state exactly how absurd this flick actually is. The CGI itself was so atrocious it wasn’t even all that funny.
Luke Perry really did make it a little more than tolerable. He was a decent lead and balanced playing it straight when he needed to and when to indulge in the humor side of things. I never though I’d say he made a movie better, but I think in this case that’s true. I was perturbed that they gave his character the name O’Neill with two L’s, but that’s just me thinking that title should be retired to Richard Dean Anderson on theSyFy channel. While the rest of the cast did a fine job, none were particularly remarkable and good easily have been replaced with someone else inconsequential.
While I did manage to laugh quite a bit, I can’t say that made up for how preposterous the movie actually was. It was funny enough to experience on a lazy Sunday morning, but it was honestly a pretty awful movie. You might find yourself yelling out, “The Snake Ate Me!” or chuckling at the same shots of the snakes “sneaking” around again and again, but it does turn into more of a laughing at it than with it experience. This one was pretty awful even by my standards. Next weeks original will be Meteor Storm. See you then.
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