Rated PG-13 for sexual content, some crude humor and a brief drug reference.
Directed By: Shawn Levy
Written By: Sam Harper
Staring: Ashton Kutcher, Britany Murphy, Christian Kane, David Moscow, Monet Mazur, David Rasche, and Thad Luckinbill
“The first sex I had on my honeymoon, was with a man named Santino.” -Tom
A young newlywed couple honeymoon in Europe, where obstacles challenge their ability to sustain the marriage.
I feel like I just watched the same movie three times, Just Married being the third time. This is not saying much for Just Married, and honestly there is a lot more of the not so charitable I have to divulge . Some movies that fail or don’t really work out at least have a soul to them, like The Wedding Planner. It at least tried to be something, and had some form of heart, and even though it was awful it still had some life to it. Just Married was a dark hole of movie death.
The film begins with a couple returning from their honeymoon, clearly in “hate” with one another. The story flashes back to better days when the couple was happy as happy can be. From the point of falling in love to the day they commenced their vows they seemed right for each other, until literally after the ceremony was over, and suddenly the two can barely stand each other. The little things they would have discovered months before living together suddenly are showing themselves for the first time, and neither have the tolerance to accept imperfection as perfection. Upon return they decide to call it quits, even though both seem to realize they still love one another.
The idea that people change after they get married is a common debate and could have been utilized to some degree, but it was so overtly exaggerated, and the fact that the happiest couple ever couldn’t even make it to the end of their honeymoon showed me the lack of vision in the writer Sam Harper, or his own prejudice towards making a film specifically for a very immature audience that would have no comprehension what a relationship would be like. Either way, there was nothing clever or enjoyable about the dialogue, the chemistry of the stars, or the story.
Ashton Kutcher is becoming a Mandy Moore/Jennifer Lopez disaster to me. In life he seems charismatic and fun. His success on That 70′s Show really implemented his niche for humor, but maybe he should have quit while he was ahead at that point. I at least enjoy Kutcher, but Britany Murphy always feels out of place in these roles where she’s a well to do elitist , or even a middle class sweetheart. She always comes across as trashy and awkward. The only two roles I’ve enjoyed her in were in 8 Mile and Clueless where she played a girl a the sleazy side. She was just as uncomfortable in this role as she is in most of hers.
Just Married was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Don’t watch this. Do not pass Go, it’s not worth collecting two hundred dollars. You will ultimately regret it. The jokes are not funny, the slapstick humor is forced, and there is nothing romantic or sweet about the relationship between Kutcher and Murphy. There was no salvaging anything positive out of this pathetic excuse for a movie.